Half-Elf on Tech

Thoughts From a Professional Lesbian

Tag: humor

  • Common IT Answers

    I actually have this sitting on my desk at work. It’s so old that the fluid has evaporated enough that it doesn’t work right anymore. But I keep it and use it. What is it? A magic 8-ball of tech support! Many moons ago, our CDW Vendor gave my boss a Magic 8-Ball for programmers showing the answer “IT’S NOT A BUG – IT’S A FEATURE”. The top of the ball says “For your most commonly asked IT requests.” Some of the answers are blatant CDW adverts, but the rest are answers I know I’ve used at least once:

    • Did you press the right button?
    • I can’t test everything
    • It worked yesterday
    • It works like I programmed it
    • It works on my machine
    • It’ll be fixed in the next release
    • It’s a Beta – What did you expect?
    • It’s an unlikely coincidence
    • It’s just an isolated incident
    • it’s not a bug, it’s a feature
    • It’s not supposed to do that
    • Please submit a formal request
    • Plug it in
    • Program works. Must be user error
    • Reboot
    • Someone changed my code.

    Sadly, the thing is dying. I may have to learn how to make a new one, since right now it’s stuck showing me a corner instead of a face.

    I’m not the only person who uses these, though. Eric Mack did as of 2004!

  • Caveman Tech Support Redux

    Many moons ago I mentioned how Caveman Tech Support was no different than the stuff I do. This is still the case. I will now caveman up my recent phone call.

    Grog: This fire help. Me Grog
    Lorto: Me Lorto. Help. Firekit wrong.
    Grog: You receive Firekit 2.0?
    Lorto: Ugh.
    Grog: Box include sticks, stone, flint?
    Lorto: Ugh.
    Grog: No broke sticks, stone flint?
    Lorto: Ugh. All here. All good. Firekit wrong.
    Grog: (sigh) If all there, what wrong?
    Lorto: No spark, no fire, me confused. Not like directions.
    Grog: *sigh* You missing items?
    Lorto: I missing nothing.
    Grog: You sure?
    Lorto: Me sure. No missing.
    Grog: You sure?
    Lorto: Me have one thing missing. Box say ‘include flint’ but Lorto no have flint. This not make Lorto no have fire, ugh?

  • Pilot Fish Woes

    This is a true story. (more…)

  • Caveman Tech Support

    The tech support problem dates back to long before the industrial revolution, when primitive tribesmen beat out a rhythm on drums to communicate: (more…)